Online dating is not all fun and games and there are a lot of things
that a person has to know about Online dating before one gets into the
intricacies of it. Online dating may seem to be the simplest thing in the world
but it is not. It should be viewed in all earnestness or things could go hay
wire. Every game has its rules and unless you know all the rules you just can’t
become a good player and eventually a winner.
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Introduction
Guide To Online Dating and Matchmaking Bless your beautiful hide Wherever you may be We haven’t met yet But I’m willing to bet That you’re the one for me! And so goes the song from the Hollywood classic of yesteryears, ‘Seven Brides for Seven Brothers’ and this song is precisely what online dating is. Online dating is in, in, in! Gone are the days when mothers used to escort their daughters to ball room dances and help them choose partners from the boys. That was something that passed...
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Why You Need To Know More...
But wait! Online dating is not all fun and games and there are a lot of things that a person has to know about Online dating before one gets into the intricacies of it. Online dating may seem to be the simplest thing in the world but it is not. It should be viewed in all earnestness or things could go hay wire. Every game has its rules and unless you know all the rules you just can’t become a good player and eventually a winner....
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Tastes Differ
People! There are so many kinds around. Just look around you, how many people you know look the same? Sizes, builds, shapes, features, they are all so different. And that is just about the external appearances. And when it comes to character, it becomes a very different story altogether. Take a trip down memory lane, go back to your class rooms and take a look around. A class room is one place where we get to interact with a lot of different people on a very close basis. We get to...
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Reading This Book
I understand that most of my readers are very busy people who do not have too much time to spend reading an instruction manual. So I have come up with something that requires just a single glance to get the gist of it. At the most you might require 10-15 fifteen minutes to run your eyes along the entire length of this book. It’s that simple. But at the same time, do not let the simplicity mislead you. It is indeed a very comprehensive work that aims to leave no stones unturned. You...
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What Makes Online Dating So Different?
? We, human beings have been in this world for so many thousands of years. And since the beginning people have been choosing partners. Cultures across the world are very different and we can come across so many different ways in which people choose their life mates. But the concept of finding a life partner with the help of the Internet is a fairly recent concept when compared with the history of man kind as such. Of course the internet and computers have influenced man’s life so much...
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The Magic of the Internet
Everything that applies to the Internet, applies to Online dating as well. The Internet as we know allows for unlimited possibilities in communication, and it is this feature that has proved to be at the same time the biggest boon, as well as bane for Online dating. People can start from scratch and get to know everything about each other before the actual meeting takes place. Tastes and preferences, likes and dislikes, interests and obsessions can be discussed on a one to one basis...
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How Did Online Dating Become So Popular?
? The reason is pretty simple. It is very much the same reason that the internet itself became so popular. The Internet opens up a whole new world of communication and contact. And the reasons for this are given below. • Speed Try to picture what used to happen earlier in the days when people had to depend on the good ol’ postal system. During those days, a person had to wait for one or two days for a letter to get across to a person who lived in the same state itself. The second...
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Be Clear About What You Want
We all know that man is a social being. However man is also a lonely being. (And when we say man, we mean women too). Man longs for company. Company not just from friends and the family, but from that special person with whom he or she can share those sweet nothings, those simple pleasures and pains, someone with whom he or she can build a whole new life, someone with whom he or she can raise a family of his or her own. Now this is a fundamental need of man: to find a life mate. And...
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Marriage Versus A Casual Relationship
Now what you do and what you want is entirely your business. I don’t want to sound nosey but I would like to draw a fine line between the kind of dating that is involved in these two quests. Of course we are all grown up and so let us act like grown ups. Obviously in a casual relationship we are looking for fun. And mind you, fun can have a lot of connotations. So here the object of one’s desire will obviously be a person who is not inclined towards a serious relationship. If both...
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Dating Comes From a Fundamental Need
Let’s face it, of course sex is important, but sex is by far not the most important reason for dating. Maybe during the age of thoughtless youth, when new hormones are being pumped in and out, sex is on every one’s mind. But as one matures (mind you that does not mean growing old and gray) sex takes the back seat and mutual support, likes and dislikes, cooperation, caring and sharing come to the forefront. We start thinking about building up a world of our own and we need someone to...
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Online Dating Is Here To Stay
Let’s accept the fact that dating couldn’t really get better. Online dating is THE real thing. Let’s compare it to the old system of evening balls or social gatherings. Imagine you are this big gathering where there are a lot of men and women looking out for suitable partners. Suppose you bump into one or two people with whom you seem to strike an immediate rapport. You are then able to take this person out onto a balcony with just the moon to keep an eye on you. You get to talk to...
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Online Dating - How To Get The Most Out Of It
Many people who decide to give online dating a try often end up with their hair singed and fingers burnt. The reason we decided to put together such a manual is that online dating is not as simple as it looks. You need to know how to go about it in order to get the best out of it. Most people do not like to take chances and when it comes to finding a life partner people do not want to take chances at all. But you can relax for through this manual we will be dealing with all the do’s...
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Step 1: Getting Started
Only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. It is always best to approach unfamiliar territory with caution. You need to plan before you actually go out there and start dealing your cards. Be sure about yourself and be sure about what you want. Just because anyone and everyone can type out whatever they want in a chat room doesn’t mean that we have to do the same. The Internet has a wonderful quality of being accessible to every one. But this same quality attracts all kinds of...
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Where Do You Start?
? The first tip we would like to give you is NOT to go straight away into a singles’ chat room and try to find somebody who would interest you. All of us know that most of such chat rooms are virtually flooded with people who have only one thing on their mind - sex. So, no matter what you ask for, it always ends up in that and the purpose is defeated. You will never get the kind of person who kind of matches your interests and tastes. Sometimes it can really get quite infuriating....
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More Than Looks
Sit for a minute or two and try and think about the things that interest you and things that you would find interesting in a person. By ‘things’ over here I am not referring to physical attributes. I am not referring to something that might interest you in a person’s physical appearance. Again the distinction has to be drawn between a serious relationship and a casual relationship. In a casual relationship, the importance is always for the physical attributes. We are more concerned...
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Common Interests
A human being is not like a piece of glass though which you can look and see the other side. A human being is more like a diamond, which when held against light reflects and deflects light so that a myriad of colors are seen. We’re complex. We have a lot of interest and the interests of one person need not match with the interests of another. But thankfully the interests are not as numerous as human beings. So we are bound to find a lot of people who share our interests. And if we can...
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What Interests You In A Person?
? This is probably the more important part of the story. Each one of us has to sit and think about what we would like in another person. Having the same interests doesn’t necessarily mean that you can get along with a person. For example, if you a person who likes to talk a lot, it doesn’t mean that you could like another person who likes to talk a lot as well. If two people try to keep talking at the same time then obviously, there cannot be any dialogue. So also, if you are the...
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Key Word Searches
So now that you have decided what is it that interests you in a person and what your interests and tastes are, try such key word searches on a search engine like Google. The idea over here is not to advertise yourself as a person who is in search of a life partner. No matter how well you put it, it looses that touch of subtlety once you are in a singles’ chat room. So don’t do it that way. You remember how we spoke about working backwards; this is how it is done. We will tell you...
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Likes Versus Dislikes
The second thing that you could do is chalk out a list of qualities that you genuinely dislike in a person. Yes I am not joking! Dislikes are just as important, or even more important than likes. We all have to make compromises here and there, but if we start away by condoning things which we genuinely dislike, it is going to tell on the relationship at sometime or the other. I would like to give a word of caution over here. A lot of people make a mistake when they are courting. They...
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Friends First
Try to look at this endeavor not as a prospective husband/wife hunt but as an effort to make a lot of friends, and I mean good friends. Friends that you can laugh aloud with, friends who make you laugh. Not everyone can make us laugh, and when I say laugh, I am not referring to some comedian. We are talking about friends here. It really does pay to have a lot of friends. It makes ones life richer. The best thing about friends is that you can be yourself with them. And they too can be...
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Mr. Right and Ms. Wrong
But then, what if the person who proposes to you wasn’t really what you had in mind? Well, the choice is yours of course; you can take it or leave it. But there is a point worth considering over here. If we can find someone that we love that is good, but if we find some one who loves us, isn’t that better? But I would also like to add a word over here. Suppose some one does come and propose to you but unfortunately, you are not in the least interested? You have every right to turn the...
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Step 2: Making Yourself Look Like A Million Dollars
Nobody is perfect in this world but that does not mean that we cannot try to look our best. There is absolutely nothing wrong in giving nature a helping hand. Work on your image, work on your profile, and work on your appearance. Many people go by the philosophy, “this is me, whether you like it or not it’s your problem. I am not going to change.” Well, nobody is asking you to change, but what are you trying to do? Scare people off? Well, the fact is, such statements are just a...
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The Dream Profile
One cannot take too much effort in preparing a profile. It is something that should be viewed in all seriousness. Please do not treat the subject lightly. Imagine that you are preparing for a job; won’t you spend a lot of time getting your resume ready? Well, most of us take up jobs for how long, four or five years? And how about a relationship, definitely we do not embark on a relationship with the expectation that it would last for just a couple of years. We have to understand...
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The Face In The Mirror
Now, coming to the picture as such, if you are sending over a picture of yourself, for heavens sake, send over a decent picture. It should be a recent one and please do not make any compromises about the quality. Get a professional to do the job for you and with the digital techniques of today, they can do a very impressive job. At the same time do work on your expression before the photograph is taken. Stand in front of your mirror and try out various expressions till you get...
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The Modesty Pitfall
Most of us have been trained to be very modest. When it comes to saying something good about our selves we feel very queasy about blowing our own trumpet. Right, no body is asking you to do any trumpet blowing but facts have to be stated as facts. If you are a music lover and have a good voice too, I can’t see why you can’t put it down like that itself. Why can’t you declare simply without sounding very proud that you have good voice? A pointer that you could bear in mind would be...
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The Braggart Pitfall
Bragging, as we all know, is a major turnoff. So it is best to steer completely clear of it. This is especially true in the case of physical attributes. You might be one hell of a looker, but let the other person decide, remember that what wine is for Peter can turn of to be venom for Paul. You can make implied statements like, “I am certainly not a bad looker,” or “opinion is divided, some people think that I am good looking while others think that I am not.” But perhaps the best way...
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The Hackneyed Pitfall
We have seen and heard other people describe themselves and these kind of descriptions sort of sink into our heads. The moment some one asks us to describe ourselves, we start off by using such hackneyed phrases. I think it is much better to completely steer clear of hackneyed phrases. It makes us look like just another face in the crowd. Tell me, unless you have an identical twin, have you ever seen any one who looks exactly like you? Then why on earth should your description of...
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The Boredom Pitfall
Try to make yourself sound as interesting as possible. I mean it. If you are painting a self portrait you might as well use the right colors. Before we leave our homes what do we do? We all spend at least five minutes in front of our mirrors in an attempt to make our selves look as presentable and as impressive as possible. Well, the same thing applies to our profile. Remove all drab details about yourself that might be of no interest to the reader. If you job is something like...
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The Vagueness Pitfall
At the same time what ever you put down about yourself must not be confusing. It just does not work to put down a statement like, “while I am not really given to sports, nor am I considered to be an outdoor person, I have developed a passing interest in watching football, and have had my stints with Terra firma.” Phew! If, anything drives people away, statements like this certainly do. For Heaven’s sake avoid phrases like “I am different,” especially when you are talking about your...
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The Web of deceit
While you might take some care to conceal your identity it is best not to lie. Do not try to bluff your way through a relationship because at sometime the whole thing might come out and as we all know, one lie leads to another and then before you know it the whole relationship will crash. Be as honest and as frank as you can, taking care to conceal your identity. Some one once said that a friend is some one who knows all about you and loves you just the same. So there is no need to...
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Your alter ego
When you choose a handle to identify yourself by, you have to be sharp. Do not try to attract as many partners as possible. After all, what are we looking for, quality or quantity? Try to attract only the kind of people you are interested in and who would find you interesting. That is why we suggested that you use a handle that better defines the kind of person you are. Do not try to sound like a sex god or a sex goddess. If you are, let the other person decide for him self or her...
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Brevity is key
Another crucial thing about writing your profile is that you should keep it as brief as possible. Nobody and that means nobody wants to read through lines and lines of another person’s profile. If you make it so long winded the person who is reading it will get the idea that you are the kind of person who would love to keep on talking about yourself and instead of go on a date with you, the reader would rather curl up and die. But that doesn’t mean that you have to limit the whole...
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You are Unique
Think about it for a minute. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you look like anyone else that you know? We all look so different though essentially we have been endowed with the same external characteristics, which are one nose, one mouth, two eyes and two ears. So in spite of having the same building blocks, if we can look so different why do we have to sound alike? Think about yourself in a different way. Do not just consider your likes and dislikes when you are writing your...
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The Animal Test
Which among the following animals do you identify with most? • A shark • A rabbit • A bear • A hen • A dog and finally • A cat • If you chose a shark, you are generally an aggressive kind of person who has no time for others who are not up to the mark. You won’t think twice about slicing through those who stand in your way and you have a very clear idea about what you want and you know how to get it too. • If you chose a rabbit you are generally sweet tempered but timid. You bend...
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Step 3: Letting The Relationship Blossom
Right, so now we are as ready as we can be with our interests all chalked out and our profiles posted. It is perfect picture. It is almost like being seated alone at this posh restaurant, dressed to kill, with a glass of champagne in one hand and the other hand swung over the back of the chair. You have a smile on your lips, a twinkle in your eye and an invitation on your face. So what happens next? This person who appears to be the perfect match for you catches your eye and saunters...
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Nicknames and Pet names
Let the other person know that you would prefer to be known by the handle you use or even better, you could tell the person to call you a pet name but let the person know that it is indeed a pet name, because at a later date, if the relationship really blossoms it doesn’t look nice if you have to say something like, “Gee, I’m sorry, but my name isn’t really Janice, it is Heptullah, I guess I lied to you.” The best thing in this case would be to let your self be known by the name of...
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Helping your Memory
The human brain is indeed a remarkable thing. It is capable of storing and processing such a wide range of information that even a supercomputer would shy away when compared to it. But due to the virtual explosion of information, our memories have become very selective. This means that we cannot recollect everything that we hear or see. Do not trust your memory too much when it comes to chatting over the net. You might meet a lot of people over the net and you might chat with a couple...
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Small Talk
There are few topics that are best for the initial talks so that an intimacy is not developed and at the same time you do not have to struggle for matters of common interest. You can talk about the weather, sports, movies, music and even food. But at the same it is in bad taste to discuss religion, politics and family matters in the initial stages. You can crack jokes but dirty jokes are an absolute no-no at least in the first few talks. Once you have talked more than once or twice...
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Beware of Instant Intimacy
There are many people who feel that e-mail will never have the warmth or the personal touch of the old fashioned letters and cards that people used to send through the postal service. That may be true but e-mail has an advantage of the here and the now. Because you are aware of the fact that the person you are chatting is reaching out to you in the same way as you are reaching out to that person, there is a tendency for an intimacy to build up even before you know it. The medium...
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4 Ways To Tell If Someone Is Lying
1. As discussed earlier, we are not going to resort to singles’ chat rooms dedicated specifically to online dating. Instead we will be in chat rooms of specific interest. So one very effective way of finding out if a person is lying would be to ask the person very pointed questions about the area of interest. If the person fumbles or gives vague answers then you do not have to waste your time on such a person. 2. Another thing that you could do is that from the moment you first make...
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Step 4: Meeting Face To Face
Once you have started talking over the telephone, then the relationship has already taken wings, then is no reason to postpone a direct meeting. So what are we waiting for? But wait; there is no need to push it. You should not sound over anxious to meet this girl or guy. Let the decision to meet evolve over a number of telephone calls. And there are certain things that you can bear in mind before you really meet....
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The Rendezvous
It is not advisable to invite someone home before you have really met the person. You had better choose a public place preferably somewhere where there are plenty of people around, just in case, you know. That is why most couples prefer to meet in a restaurant over lunch or dinner. There is one thing about having food together. When people sit together and have food together they get to know a lot about each other. Table manners tell us a lot about a person’s upbringing and...
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Leaving Your Mark Behind
Now, suppose this date did work out as planned and you really and thoroughly enjoyed the company of the other person you would want the other person to remember you and think about you, wouldn’t you? So how do you make sure that the other person does think about you? The answer is simple. Just leave your mark behind. Mind you, a business or visiting card is not appropriate here. It lends a very formal color to the picture. Surely you do not want the person to remember you for your...
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Clothes Maketh A Man (Or Woman)
Clothes Maketh A Man (Or Woman) You do not have to be dressed to kill when you go out to lunch. The best thing about lunch dates is that most of would be in our work clothes and that saves us the agony of choosing the right thing to wear on a first date. A wonderful thing that you could do when going on a fist date is to make it a group activity, preferably a foursome. This takes away the awkwardness of the situation and definitely takes away all those embarrassing moments of silence....
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Footing the Bill
It is a good idea to decide before hand and communicate your decision to go Dutch, which means that each person should pay for whatever he or she has. That’s the way that it is supposed to be because if nothing works out of this relation you certainly do not want to be obliged to the person. When you choose the place, avoid secluded spots and places that you are not familiar with. But the ambience is indeed important. You cannot expect to have a tête-à-tête in a...
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Many Dates
So what happens if you get more than one offer to date at more or less the same time? Or in other words, what happens if you become close to more than one person at a time? Hey, that is probably the very thing we are looking out for. You could go on different dates and then compare for your self and choose the best person. You do not have to leap for the first person who caught your fancy. You have the right to choose, so go ahead and do it. There is no need to feel guilty about two...
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Offline Dating: How To Make That Great Impression
When you are dating online, you have a lot of things to your advantage. For example, the other person does not really see you and you do not really have to bother about appearances. You can devote your entire energy towards sounding intelligent and witty. But when you are actually seated in front of a person, there are a thousand things that you have to pay attention to. There are many people who believe that it is not really important to keep up appearances. They feel that it is...
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The Secret is Charm
All the things that have been said so far are about how you can create a favorable impression. There is something that is equally or even more important than that, and that is to make the other person feel comfortable. Help the other person relax. Any way you have been chatting for quite some time so you do know a great deal about each other. The best thing you can do is to ease the tension and break the ice. Sometimes the ice gets so thick that you can literally feel it. Break it up...
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Gifts?
? It is a good idea to take a gift along with you as that does create a good impression, but remember that when you are courting the gifts should be limited to flowers or chocolates only. While you are chatting try to find out what the other person likes in flowers and chocolates. You certainly don’t want to give the person flowers that he or she is allergic to. The object of your gift should not be to woo the person but to create a good and lasting impression. There is no sense in...
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Step 5: Once Bitten
Many of my readers might be worried that everything does not work out like has been described, what would they do? Or in other words if this first date does not work out what should they do? The answer is very simple, repeat the whole process again. Let’s go back to where we started. Remember, this is a chance to find the partner for life so we might have to grow many plants before we get the right harvest. I am not talking about two timing here. What I mean is that instead of...
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Signing Off
I would like to add one word about signing off. In case things do not work out please take care to part gracefully. In such instances it is not the best decision to say such things over chat. The other person may put forward some very uncomfortable questions that you will have a tough time answering. The best thing you cold do is send the person an e-mail telling him or her that he or she was not really what you had in mind, but you would like to remain good friends all the same....
