At the 2007 Grammy awards The Dixie Chicks song “I’m Not Ready to Make Nice” won the Grammy for best song.
The storm of controversy that spawned the song is known to many. The hottest selling female country band in music history, the Dixie Chicks, got knocked off a lot of radio stations and suffered significant financial losses when one of them expressed a political viewpoint during a London concert in 2003. Whether you agree with them or not, isn’t what I want to focus on in this article.
As the Dixie Chicks worked their way out of the controversy, they wrote an award-winning, powerful song that can be a great guide for all of us.
“I’m not ready to make nice. I’m not ready to back down…I don’t have time to go round and round and round…I’ve paid a price and I’ll keep paying… I can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should.”
That last line is the key to living your life from a place of freedom, peace and joy. If you try to live your life to please others, or to do what they think you should, you’ll never be happy or fulfill your dreams.
People will find all sorts of ways to try to manipulate you into doing things their way. They will give you gifts, promotions, raises, love (well not really, but they say they will), housing, food, and validation. They will act pouty, whiney, controlling, angry or aloof to try to get you to do things their way. And all you have to do is give in, speak, act and do it their way. All you have to do is sell your soul!
Am I being dramatic? Not really. When you live your life by someone else’s standards and wishes, you aren’t living it according to what feels great for you. And you will never be happy under those circumstances. And it’s your life!
As women, many of us were raised to be nice little girls. We were taught that being people pleasers had benefits. After all most of us had moms and dads who validated, rewarded and loved us when we were good.
And that might have been okay when we were small, since we couldn’t survive without mom and dad, but now as women it’s not good for us.
I’m not implying that you need to be nasty. Kind and firm are appropriate and a great guide for living your life, especially combined with humble and loving.
But if you think that you need people to like you more than you need to honor yourself, then you’ll be stuck living your life the way others think you should.
The cost of being nice, of pleasing others, is giving up your dreams, desires, choices, freedom and your joy of life. It might keep you from asking for a raise, taking a dream vacation, living in a favorite city, driving a fun car, having children, or getting an education – just to mention a few things you might sacrifice by being nice and pleasing others.
Other than never making you happy, there’s a bigger problem to the nice scenario.
People who want you to do things their way, who want you to make them happy, don’t really care about you. They only care about their own feelings and needs. They make terrible partners, friends, co-workers or bosses.
They care about themselves, at your expense. And it’s up to you to see the truth about them. They are in the relationship for what they can get out of it, not what they can put into it.
If you stay, you will wake up one day and realize how empty you are. You will realize that you don’t know who you are, that you lost yourself.
So do yourself a favor, find a partner, friend or boss who also cares about you. Someone who doesn’t manipulate you with gifts, praise, supposed love and other things to get their way.
Find a partner who doesn’t get pouty, whiney, controlling, angry or aloof to manipulate you into doing things their way. Especially when it’s something you really don’t want to do, and know it’s not good for you, or doesn’t feel right for you.
As the Dixie Chicks learned, there is often a price to be paid for speaking your opinion, your truth. But the price of being nice is far greater than any price you might pay for being true to yourself. Selling your soul to get material or other perceived gains, isn’t what your came here to do or be. You came here to live an authentic life. You came here to thrive. You can’t thrive when you turn against yourself.
Choose to not back down. Choose not to make nice. Choose to be kind, firm, humble and loving. Choose to listen to your heart. Choose to trust that God Source Creation has great people lined up for you if you make room for them, then trust and stay positive.
Imagine the possibilities…
(c) Carol C. Chanel
Author’s Note: Also published here.
…
Carol Chanel is a Certified Life Coach who works with people to create new, meaningful and FUN lives. You can learn more about how to create loving and healthy relationships, draw boundaries, not take things personally, be happy to be who you are, and make time for fun by going to her free ezine archive.
http://www.carolchanel.com/rockin_relationships.html
Read more articles written by Carol Chanel
Related posts:
- Do Nice Guys Fail In Internet Marketing For Online Businesses?
Todd was in trouble. Our internet marketing training for online business was selling like crazy. Orders were coming from everywhere. We were able to get outside help, but it wasn’t enough. We stopped advertising, but the orders still kept coming and we were in way over our head. OK, I... - Price Skimming As a Pricing Strategy
Of all the marketing strategies you will use in your business, the pricing strategy is one of the most important. Along with choosing the right product, intelligent marketing, and a sound sales plan the correct price strategy will determine your revenues and market share. Usually the leaders in their industry... - Working With Price Sensitive Buyers
The value of money in today’s world is a stark reality and that is why customers looking to shop for their needs have become aware of the cash factor where buying is concerned. They look to getting the most out of the least money spent that is why pricing your... - Price Setting: My Clients Will Leave If I Raise My Prices. Really?
Has price setting been a prime concern for you recently? If you hesitate to raise your prices because you are afraid your clients will leave, take the issue to inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie. Here is how it can work: “My clients will leave if I raise my... - Financial Freedom Comes With a Price
For anybody who is planning to, or going about, starting a home-based-business, there are some basic provisos and warnings that come as fine print, and regarding which nothing much is ever said by the prospective recruiters. But it is imperative that you give due heed to these basic truths. Firstly,... - Are Your Decisions Crushing Your Spirit?
Next time you have to make a decision about a job, a relationship, a promotion, or even a date, I want you to run the fear-based vs. trust-based test past it. In the fear-based choice, you’ll make your decision to prevent something you’re afraid of from happening. In a trust-based... - How To Say No!
“I meant to say NO.” We’ve all have had the experience where we meant to say no to someone. We knew it was going to be difficult but we were determined this time. Then next thing you know, we’re saying yes. How did that happen? Why did that happen? Do... - Wedding Reception Music On A Budget
A wedding reception is a party to celebrate the union of two special people. Most celebrations include music to express the joy everyone is feeling. What are your options when you’re on a budget? Varied! Most people like to have a disc jockey at their reception – if only because... - Victims And Relationships Don
In order for relationships to be truly fun, fulfilling, joyful and loving both people have to be emotionally healthy. That doesn’t mean you still don’t have some issues to resolve – that’s part of life. It does mean that you aren’t living a life as a victim of a past... - Do’s And Don’ts Of A Great Relationship!
The other day I asked a couple I had coached to consciously model a great relationship for his younger brother and girlfriend. I realize a lot of us never knew what a great relationship looked like. We didn’t know what to do and not do. We only had in our... - Six Broadway Shows You Must See
Even those living in a cave know that Wicked, The Lion King and Chicago are Broadway’s hottest tickets. But they’re not the only entertainment on the Great White Way. Below, BSTLV looks at eight other Broadway shows you should definitely check out. These eight productions range from timeless revivals to... - WEDDING FAVORS
Some brides don’t like the idea of giving gifts to her guests, but we think it’s a nice gesture as a thank you for attending your special day. These favors can be elegant, fun, or practical. We prefer the practical. Here are some great suggestions for fun and unique wedding... - Rob Thomas, His Wife, and Her Diamonds
Rob Thomas’ latest album, Cradlesong, deals with dark issues and adult themes but none is more serious than the illness inflicting his wife Marisol (Maldonado) Thomas. Marisol suffers from a rare autoimmune disorder and her plight was Thomas’ muse for Cradlesong’s first single, “Her Diamonds.” During a recent appearance on... - Coping Bipolar Disorder By Monitoring Symptoms: The Mood Chart
Coping with bipolar disorder is something that you should do in many ways. One of those ways, as we have discussed includes monitoring your symptoms. While we discussed several reasons why you need to watch for the early signs and symptoms of bipolar, it is also important for you to... - The Interview
The Interview The first thing that you want to remember when you are at a job interview is that first impressions count. Dress appropriately for the job. No matter what, though, never wear jeans to a job interview – it doesn’t matter how casual the job is that you are...